I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Randomize
