Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
