my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
