Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
