it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
