I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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