32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
