SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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