Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
