I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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