My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
