my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
She told me I should be a condom model.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
