HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Rumble strips road head = magical
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
