he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
