its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
