Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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