Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
