too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
