Got a toothbrush?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
