I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
