High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
