tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
