I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
