I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
