fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
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