Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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