We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
