I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
