Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
