You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
