I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
We are two peas in an std pod
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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