Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
There was a lot of him and a little penis
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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