It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
