i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
