Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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