Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Randomize
