We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Your cock deserves a montage
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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