This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Pants are for mortals
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
