I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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