Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
