when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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