Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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