He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
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