you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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