she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
