The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
