Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
