just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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