what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
where am i from again
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
