He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
