So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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