please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
