do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
